Not a self promoter.

Now I’m not one for boasting, bragging or bigging oneself up… it would seem I’m not really a fan of words that begin with B, apart from… boobs, belles, boys, bits, bums… We can see what I have on my mind. Anyways, I don’t think it’s necessary or very becoming from a young lady, such as myself. To be honest, it’s not great in anyone. There’s confidence, there’s being proud of an achievement, then there’s arrogance and rubbing people’s faces in your success – it’s a fine line to tread.

I’m not one for self promotion. I don’t wish to attract that much attention to myself. I am confident in my own skin, I know me, what I like, what I don’t, and if I don’t or am unsure, I’ll spend a few hours debating it in my mind, and possibly sharing it with you. But. There are things I know I am good at, and there are things I know I excel. We all know our own strengths as well as our own weaknesses but I tend to focus more on what I enjoy, more than what I think I may be good at.

As far as I am aware, I think its fairly dangerous to trust your own opinion of yourself. Know yourself, like yourself be proud of yourself, but don’t think you know it all, after all, we lie to ourselves all the time. We lie to others about ourselves, we are in effect our best friend and our own worst enemies, for quite those reasons. Always out to protect but also to blind. So well, I thought I’d do something very random, because I am random and I feel like it.

I’m going to share some things with you. What they will be are things I like, things that interest me, things I love, and they’ll be relevant. To me, to you, to something you like, a common interest, to someone you know, or to knowing where I’m coming from when you hear my ramblings a little more.

I’m an English student. I spend most of my days with my head in a book, thinking about a book, reading a book about a book or thinking about what I’m not reading. I spend time exploring history, philosophy, psychology, sociology, epistemology, literary theory, I’m an overthinker by trade, probably why I spend such a long time looking into things on a microscopic level, I’m a lover of analysis – whether its of a page, a character, a period, a psyche, or just my muddled and cuffudled brain.

I’m a TEFL qualified teacher, so I mould the brains of non English speaking students, which is ironic seeing as I seem to pay very little attention to grammar, punctuation spelling, or even whether the word I use actually exists in my own personal life. I enjoy teaching, love teaching, I find it the most interesting and fascinating thing to do. Its inspiring, rewarding, challenging, had work and fun, and they are all the reasons I love doing so.

I’m a writer of erotica. Don’t get too excited, I’m not published (well in an anthology, somewhere… not big time, published) I have a blog, I write sex as sex should be, raw, passionate and without too much soppiness and character. Its all about release and self expression. its another side of me to this one, a more primitive, raw, randy side agreed, but a side I embrace all the same.

I’ve started a music blog, because I’ve realised I listen to a lot of obscure stuff, that people seem to be very interested in when it comes up. I mention people nobody has ever heard of and that have less than 1000 followers on Facebook. I like finding odd little artists and songs, searching for something new to my ear, to prick the hairs on the back of my neck and make me stop and listen. And as I love sharing, well why not share that too, seems selfish to keep all my little musical treasurers to myself.

I write for my University online publication, infact, I’m under interview for Editor in Chief. I’ve been in print issues, and my writing is journalistic, from news to current affairs, reviews and previews, entertainment to fashion, politics to columnist pieces. I enjoy all sorts of writing. I think words are the most powerful tool, and weapon at our disposal, and I’m rather a fan of playing with them.

Now. I know that all this sounds like a bit of a boast, that I’m trying to show off, say how well I write, how many different things I can throw my hand at, how busy I am. Its not. I’m not a great writer, I enjoy it, there are certainly better out there. I’m a fan of commas and long sentences, using the ‘three’ in description and prescribing to clichés when I feel like it. I write colloquially, without thought, or point. I ramble, I jump about, I even forget the point I started with and end up somewhere completely different – not a to b, more… j to r (if you follow my meaning).

I’m simply saying it because, well I thought you might like to get to know me. Maybe you might want to read something completely different and fancy my other blogs, perhaps I felt like divulging, or maybe I felt like taking stock of what I do do. I think I may have my fingers in two many pies to do any properly or to the level I truly wish to. I’ve neglected my blogs of late with life’s general hiccups as it is, let alone kept on top of everything else, but as long as their a pleasure and not a chore, I’ll keep doing them. Thats what life’s about isn’t it. Sharing. Doing things you love. Talking to one and other.

Do I follow you, do you have another blog I should be checking out? – post it. If I’m not writing I’m reading something, editing work for the paper, books for University, marking for students homework or an album review. Might even be the back of my cereal box. If you fancy some music, or erotica – ask. If you want to know something else –  ask. If you want to chat – talk. I am, as they say, all ears. I fancy sharing, so lets here something about you.

What do you do, what do you like?

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Hips, Hernia’s and Headf*cks.

I guess all my posts of late have been leading up to this one – My general mood state and life at present. I guess it might put things in a bit of perspective. I hadn’t and haven’t really wanted to go into details, I’m a positive sort of person and I haven’t felt like going into details. But the more people I connect with in our lovely blogging community I guess it doesn’t matter.

This idea I keep badgering on about, about loving yourself, being less critical, being positive is because, I guess that’s precisely what I’m having to be that moment. Resilient. I’ve just broken up with my partner of two years, currently sat with both my legs cast awaiting news of a massive operation, with a 25% chance of walking afterwards.

I’m a girl with incredibly unlucky health. This year it would appear it’s finally come to a head. I’ve had problems with my lower limbs for years, taking strong painkillers everyday that have caused my stomach to bleed and my liver to panic, my kidneys to struggle, my general health to diminish. I’ve collapsed ankle joints, femoral anteversion (my knees point inwards so I can’t bend my legs without them touching) and hips that dislocate. I spend a great deal of time struggling to walk or on crutches, with swollen joints and agonising aches.

Yesterday I went for a scan of my abdomen and have two congenital hernia’s, holes in my stomach wall I was born with and my intestines are poking through the muscular wall, causing a great deal of discomfort for years and never realising what it was. I’ve a heart condition, that causes me to randomly blackout and feel as though I’m having a mild heart-attack, not being able to breathe, shaking uncontrollably and slipping in and out of consciousness.

I’ve had depression since a child. Diagnosed ten years ago, I’ve had everything, CBT, counselling, Psychotherapy, and drugs everyday. My brain simply doesn’t make those lovely happy chemicals that keep us all ticking over nicely. To put it simply, I’m a bit of a mess at the moment.

Everyday is a struggle to get up, find the energy, suffering with insomnia, no sleep because of pain and discomfort, I spend much of my time uncomfortable and wandering whats the point. But there is one, I refuse to give in and have everything affect me. So I may be clinically depressed, always in a state of depression, but if you met me you’d see I’m one of the happiest, most positive people you’ll ever meet.

So it may be a well placed mask, a front to cover up how I feel, but to be honest, my life isn’t that awful. I refuse to give in, lay back and feel sorry for myself. I’ve a lot on my plate yes, but it isn’t unmanageable. It isn’t something I can’t handle, it’s just life. Its full of ups and downs and curveballs and mine, well are just as anyone elses I guess.

I refuse to be self loathing, self-interested, self obsessed. To think about my life and no one else and get down about it. It’s just one of those things I deal with and I’m ok with that. You’ll never hear me moaning that I’m in pain, that I’m not feeling great. I’ll never say I’m having a bad day or I can’t cope because, tomorrow I could be fine. I stay positive, look for the good in life and focus on being happy, whatever that means.

Life isn’t a box of chocolates. We can’t pick the path we’re given or the things we have to deal with, but we still have to. Whether I feel like it or not, I still have a life to lead, things to be doing, things to concentrate on. I have many things going for me and that’s what we all must remember. I’ll no doubt go into detail about everything at some point, but to be honest, I don’t feel the need to dwell, to linger on things that I can’t control.

Best to carry on, to remind yourself that life could be far far worse, and carry,well in my case, hobble on 🙂 Everyone has problems, no ones are worse than anyone elses because they’re relative to what we’ve dealt with in the past, what we’ve had to face, a small bump to one person could be a big deal to someone else. It’s not ok to put someone else down or demean them for being upset about something trivial, if indeed it’s affecting them, well. It’s all about being understanding and respectful of other people and their lives.

I like my life, for all its ups and downs and traumas. So its stressful, so I’m likely to have a heart-attack by the time I’m thirty, likely to end in a wheelchair and to struggle everyday to want to be here and carry on, but it’s what makes me. We are made by our experiences. I have resilience, self-respect and a self-awareness others can only dream of. I am the person I am because of what I deal with. I cope because I have done and will always continue to do so.

I am positive because I want to be, because life’s to short and life is about the ride, the journey. I enjoy living, I enjoy my pain, it makes me feel alive, I enjoy the struggles because it’s when your realise who you really are, what you’re truly about – your essence and core is, revealed almost.

This may be the only time you hear me being, negative if you like. And it’s not so much that, it’s just stating life as it is. I’m not asking for sympathy of for people to be concerned about me. I don’t bang on about health issues for attention or love. I am just me.  So I may hide whats really going on, I may wear a front some days, present a happier me than I’m really feeling but, it’s not that I don’t want people to know, that I’m ashamed or that I think people would think I’m a whiny bitch… It’s just, it isn’t a big deal to me – it isn’t a focus.

What is, is being happy, helping others, getting my education, spending time with loved ones, bettering myself as a person, enjoying every minute as maybe pessimistically put, It might be your last. That’s not negative, its optimistic. If you live life as though today is your last day, you never waste time, you embrace every second, even if that’s sitting down and doing nothing or out and about making the most of your day.

Love conquers and confuses.

“Love, is a losing Game”. A famous line, but really isn’t it? Does it not cause endless heartbreak, suffering, upset because the one you love can live up to, can never be all that you want? No that would be a pessimist talking and not something I care to indulge in. Love, in every form, friend, romantic, the full-blown affair of your life, is after all, one of those things that makes life worth living. Even for all the emotional trauma, it’s still great.

But I’ve got a question. Its one I don’t really know the answer to, I’m not even sure I’m asking for one, it’s just something that’s bothering me and I can’t seem to make my mind up on. I am a person who likes to think psychologically, philosophically about life and when I can’t find a conclusion to something, my own stance. It gets to me, so here it is…

Can you be in love with someone, fall for someone, lust after someone and have someone be in love with and you love them as a friend, all at the same time? Is it possible to illicit so many closely related feelings towards so many different people, all at once.

To love someone, means to care for them, means to love them as a person, their flaws and intricacies, their strange traits and habits, the essence of their being. But are you in love with them? Can you love someone but not be in love with them any longer, and therefore fall for someone else?

We’ve all been with people when things have got tough, you’re going through a rocky patch and suddenly you meet someone, who seems – like a breath of fresh air. You laugh and talk for hours, cry at their jokes, you have chemistry you can’t imagine, but is that just because of the situation. Are you confused, down, needing comfort and reassurance that you are still, lovely, attractive…

I’m a woman who can differentiate between sex and love. Sex to me doesn’t have to be, loving or intimate, it can just be sex. That doesn’t mean I can have one night stands, I have to know the person, have been seeing them, but I don’t have to have, an emotional attachment to them in that sense. I can just fancy them, and want to screw them, and that be the end of it. If you love someone, should you never feel that primeval urge to get with someone else? How can you, we’re not monogamous creatures. I’m not advocating cheating or acting upon these feelings but their they’re, so you can’t argue that you don’t lust just because you love.

So what about confusing lust with falling for someone. When things are rough and you meet someone and you get along, is it to easy to confuse wanting to get with them, to wanting to be with them. Make you contemplate throwing away your relationship for something that you’ll inevitably realise was, nothing more than two people who got along.

And then there’s the question of friends. We’ve all been in that situation, and had someone like us more than a friend. You care about each other a great deal, you’re incredibly close, maybe you even fooled around a bit when you first met or got drunk and slept together. But you know they like you more. you don’t want to lose them, so you inevitably continue on a path that will one day collide with their feelings intentions and your own.

I believe if you are madly deeply in love with someone you can lust but you cannot fall, if you love but aren’t in love, then anything is possible, you are conflicted and torn and its dangerous to get to close to anyone, if you’re lusting after someone, and insecure, in a bad place then confusion for falling for someone is inevitable. And friends? I personally don’t see that you can lead someone on, you wouldn’t, you either like them more than that but wouldn’t manna ruin a friendship and lose them, or your heartless and manipulative and lead people on.

I know someone in most of these situations at this time in their life, and the thing that always comes across to me, is that, they’re conflicted. They don’t know what they want, or where they’re at. How can you commit yourself to someone or start developing feelings when you are so all over the place in yourself. It’s a dangerous path, you seek comfort and appreciation from others around you that, you wouldn’t normally, wanting to feel loved, accepted, wanted, based on your own mental state at the time.

My advice to anyone in a difficult situation, remove yourself from it. All of it. Take a break from your relationship, take a break from the fling or person you’re starting with, no more sexting the person you lust after, or meeting up all the time with that friend. Take time out, sort yourself out. Even if you think you’re Ok, sit down and think about it, are you really feeling like you, or, feeling a bit out of sorts. Acting a bit, unlike yourself.

We’re complex people, with complicated emotions. But at least I guess, it keeps life interesting.

Firsts, Experiences and that ‘New’ Feeling.

“I’m giving up on girls, I’m giving up on the heartache, whats the point in it all, in setting yourself up for heartache or disappointment, who wants that?”

I do. This is a question posed to me by a friend the other day. I couldn’t quite understand, as for me. It’s always worth it. There is nothing more exciting or brilliant as getting to know someone. Talking to them, getting to know them as a person, being interested in them, what they have to say, involved in stories and experiences. Getting to know how they react to stuff, what they’re like deep down, not just the superficial, but under the façade.

Having all those debates on subjects, hearing their points of view, learning their voice and the way they think. Having that buzz of excitement when they text, that ridiculous smile on your face around them, the incessant grin. Laughing uncontrollably at what they say, as though your hearing humour for the first time…

And then there are the first times. The first time they touch you, your arm, hold your hand, the first time they make you laugh, your first play fight, the first kiss, the first fumble, the first encounter, the first experience, first dates, first meal out, first cinema trip, first walk, first words… Everything is so new, so refreshing. The world suddenly becomes more interesting as you see the world from someone else’s perspective…

To me – that’s all worth it. Whatever happens after, whether it all goes tits up, whether it ends in love, lust or heartache, whether you find you aren’t as well matched as you thought, or they turn out not to be the person you thought, that feeling, all of that, I wouldn’t pass that up. The giddiness, the happiness, the excitement, the expectation, the anticipation. It’s a feeling that s unique. Whatever comes to pass, you always have that, you always remember those first days, and the way they made you feel. When you feel unique, special, appreciated. You’re at your best.

“I smile a lot these days, and everyone knows. Everybody knows it’s because of you, everybody knows except you”

I would never pass up on an experience that made me happy, that gave me that feeling, that made everything  a little bit better. If you live your life thinking about the consequences, you’d never do anything. You have to live life for the moment and maybe a step or two ahead, but only positively.

I love people in general, I love getting to know people, I love talking to people I don’t know, when you just get talking to people, on trains, at a coffee shop, in a queue. People are interesting, other people’s lives are interesting. This morning I shared a table in a coffee shop with a woman, and we spoke for nearly an hour about everything, her life, her kids, her plastic surgery, life, people, from the personal to the political to the philosophical and back again. And I loved it, it made me smile. It made today better. It made her day better. It was friendly, and kind, and open.

Don’t pass up the opportunity to get to know someone, to be with someone, to talk to someone, because of the what ifs. What if they turn out to be your best mate, your future boss, the love of your life? That person that you can’t imagine not having in your life? Live for the experience, the feelings, live life, for the now.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you”  – Dale Carnegie.

Confidence in Clothing.

“If I dated you, I’d buy you clothes…”

“Why?

“Because I think you could pull some really edgy gear of, something really different… You’d look so good”

“But I don’t care, I don’t… want to pull it off”

Clothes. Theyre something that define us, something that make us who we are, something we put on that tells you something about us or showcases our personalities. They can make us feel part of something, individual, alternative or segregated. We can feel, smart, professional, sophisticated, alternative, edgy, sexy… as many adjectives as you can define a person by.

Clothes represent us. They are a signal to the world of who we are. They tell you we’re professional, we’re proud of our job, we’re confident; they tell you were womanly, sexy, sultry, we’re confident; they tell you were different, an individual, non conformist, we’re confident…. I see a pattern emerging.

What makes a person attractive? What makes a person, someone we are drawn to, want to spend time with, seek out for company. It’s all down to a simple thing called confidence. I know girls who look as sexy as pie in tracksuits and baseball caps, professional in ripped jeans and a tank top, it’s about your confidence.

It’s about poise, and integrity, in believing in yourself and what you stand for. Those of us who are far more concerned with our appearance are, I would like to suggest, not that happy with themselves. Always trying to prove themselves, make a statement, be up to date or fit in. They care where they shop, what things say, what logo they have, how people look at them…

We all care about people’s perception to some degree but how important is it? If you’re confident with you, then wont everyone just accept you – regardless? They’ll be drawn to your personality, to that glow you have about you, that warmth, or that smile… whatever it is that makes you, really you, not how you dress it up.

You can dress the ugliest individuals up in the nicest clothes, I don’t mean appearance I mean personality, their true person, and they would still be unattractive. Your essence is more important than how you choose to present it.

So when I had the conversation as above, or as close to as can be twenty odd hours later, you have to ask yourself. Why? Why do you care what I wear. I was in a lovely top, skinny jeans, brogues, not a track suit, not anything flashy, but comfortable, fashionable but understated. Just because it isn’t what you’d wear to draw attention, I didn’t need all eyes on me.

I saw the guy look me up and down as we walked past him, his and in his girlfriends, the cashier keep smiling and talking to me, staring at my mouth when I spoke, the girl crossing the road, eyeing up my top… It’s not what I’m wearing, it’s how I’m wearing it. I don’t care whether you think I’m fashionable or not, that I havent genuinely bought clothes in a year, that I am not bang up to date, and because I don’t care…

No one else does. My carefree attitude and good mood regardless of how you look at me, is reflected in my walk, in my posture, in my poise, they way I talk to people, the way I smile at people as I pass them, THAT’S what people notice.

If you feel the need to look as though you’ve been pushed through ‘Topshop’ backwards, fallen through the market place, or that every item down to your boxers must have a label worthy of your approval, then, well… I pity you, because deep down, you haven’t found you, and what you are, who you are.

Know who you are, everyday, show who you are, not with what you wear, with the way you hold yourself, the way you command yourself, the way you treat others and the things you say.

Proud to have a past.

I read a lot of blogs on here, daily updates by those who have suffered, found difficulties and hurt in their lives. Been unfortunate to witness or have succumbed to life’s worst scenarios. We all have them, pasts. Things we would rather forget, things we are not proud of, things that make our lives a little more difficult – pain that we’d rather forget.

They can be on any scale, from the bigger picture to the everyday stuff, and it all affects us. It can be stuff we’ve done, stuff others have done to us, stuff that’s happened to us despite our own efforts for things to go right, or things we can’t help, we can’t come to terms with.

To all those people, to whatever has happened, is happening, the difficulty you are facing in your lives I would say. Be proud. Be proud to have a past, be proud to have overcome difficulty, to have surpassed expectations, to have found inner strength. Be proud to be coping, this minute, this day, this week… Be proud to have had an experience in your life.

Because from experience. We learn, we grow as people. We adapt and function, we become more rounded individuals. We are the people we are because of what has happened to us, what has happened in our lives; our experiences.

I am fortunate enough to have not overly suffered with strife or great ordeals, maybe to some they would be considered a lot, to others, a minor scathe, I guess that’s all down to our own lives, what we cope with everyday and consider normal. But I am proud, to be a person, proud to be the person I am, proud to be individual, with my experience and wisdom because…

I like me. I like who I’ve become, I like the way I cope with things. Like everyone I may not like my life at times, or enjoy the ride its taking me on, but I like how it changes me. How I change, how I grow, how I adapt, how I surprise myself.

Nothing in life we cannot cope with, with self belief, with determination, with the support of loved ones and friends, with inner courage. Be proud to be you, turn your hurt into a positive and remember. It’s all what makes you, you.

When you’re down, and troubled…

“…And you need a helping hand
and nothing whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name
and you know wherever I am
I’ll come running oh yeah baby
to see you again.”

It may be cheesy, and I’ve blogged about friends recently, but its all that I said before, I am lucky to have some amazing friends. This weekend, I needed some support, I wanted to see someone, my weekends plans fell through and I went from enlightened excitement to the biggest anti climax, and then. A light.

A simple text that made it all better. “I’m coming to see you”. It wasnt prompted nor was it planned, and yet three hours later one of my dearest friends stood on the platform at Norwich Station, bag in hand with a smile that made me realise, they were just as glad to see me as I were them.

Long late chats, cuddles and heart to hearts, its been an emotional weekend, and one that just confirmed how lucky I am to have friends surprise me, drop everything just to come put a smile on my face.

We are all incredibly blessed to have people in our lives that make it all seem better. To make a bad day good, a sad day better, A slow day, memorable. For all of those people in your life that mean as much to you as my friends do me, sit back and take a second to thank god, thank your life, thank whatever it is that you believe in, that your privileged enough to have people who care…

Lifes intricacies.

We all love the simple life. Or we like to think so. Our lives are so overcomplicated, its life’s little treasures, or own little pleasures that make it worthwhile, really.

  • Walking along a beach. I’ve mentioned it a lot on my blog recently, and that’s because I’ve returned to my parents home at the coast and have spent every evening if not most of my day sitting, or wandering blissfully. Its my calm place. my special place. What beats a deserted beach?
  • A sweet cup of tea. With just one sugar. When your tired at the end of the day, or maybe your feeling under the weather. That hot sweet taste, glancing your taste buds. Just gets me – every time.
  • Unexpected smiling. You know when you just smile. For no apparent reason, a good old grin. It might be a song comes on you like, or you may just have a little thought to yourself. It could be seeing someone you didn’t know you’d missed or wanted to see. But that massive grin that just creeps up on you. The one that makes strangers in the street look like your mad.
  • Singing out loud with headphones on. I know I’m not a great singer, but singing at the top of your lungs, is something incredible. Doing it when no one can hear; the song cant mask your own terrible attempts at a well-known tune, well that’s carefree at its best.
  • Plucking my eyebrows. Yes an odd one. But I’m a little brow obsessed. Having been lumbered with my fathers brows and constantly teased for having slugs as a kid. I love looking at them when they’re perfect, if a little red, gorgeously shaped.
  • Antique shops. I never buy anything, it’s just a browsing activity. They’re mainly full of rubbish or old furniture, costume jewellery and war memorabilia, but there’s something special about items from the past. Of times good-bye, the good times, or so it always seems. Everything looks full of character, decadent, loved.
  • A good row. Maybe that’s just me, but getting all that tension out, having everything out in the open, a good shout. Getting rid of tension and pressure, or clearing the air.
  • Getting post. How irrational is it to excited about receiving a letter. I guess it goes back to being a kid. Your parents always seemed to get a letter, and the only time you did was a special occasion, a birthday or a ‘passing your exams’ sort of thing. But I still, love, getting mail. Even if I know it’s secretly a bill disguised.
  • A good cry. Especially at an emotional film. Nothing better, sometimes you don’t need to cry. Your not upset but a good cry, a release of emotion, letting go. Something about it, just, makes you feel better after I guess.
  • Nonsense conversations. When you sit and muse about nothing, someone makes a random comment and that’s if you are off at a complete tangent, discussing something completely pointless and hypothetical, with excitement and a great deal of enthusiasm.
  • A cuddle. I mean a proper cuddle. One of those long hugs with someone when you completely relax and just stand or sit, nestled into them, a perfect comfortable fit and feel altogether safe.
  • Laughing Hysterically. Everyone likes laughing but with my mum its a whole new experience. We both get the giggles over nothing. Stomach crunching, shaky giggles. When you can’t breathe and looks slightly like your having af it, heaving in silence with your eyes watering, only to suddenly take a massive deep breath and carry on. Laughing till your stomach hurts.
  • Driving.  I know that’s an odd one for most people who find driving a means to an end, a boring experience, but for me its the ultimate freedom, driving around aimlessly. you can go anywhere, do anything, see anything. It’s not just the experience its the drive.  Changing down to slow and hearing the revs kick higher, the acceleration as you overtake something, the gentle wobble as you sit chugging in traffic. The smooth leather of the wheel, worn where your hands are…. I am never happier than when out on my own, down some country lanes, just driving, for driving sake.
  • First times. First experiences of anything. That mix of trepidation, anticipation and excitement all rolled into one. It could be a personal achievement, or something you’ve always wanted to do, it could be conquering a fear or starting something new with that special someone in your life. Whatever it is, that mixed curdling feeling. You know your on the brink of something great.

They are but a few things in life that make it all a little bit better. I could go into the more amusing personal ones, but they’re the ones that always spring to mind. They may be obvious, but isn’t that just because, they’re the things we all appreciate and enjoy most?

Rain is coming.

“You know when you get that smell. That smell that rain is coming. It can be a hot summers day, not a cloud in the sky but you get that smell. And you know. Change is coming”… It might not be rain, it might be a storm, thunder lightening, the whole she-bang. But there was a something.

We all get it. That feeling. A sense of things. It’s not quite poignant or exact. But it’s there, a thought in the back of your mind and feeling in the pit of your stomach, just in front of your fingertips and past the tip of your tongue. It’s not audible or explainable. You can’t say to anyone with clarity exactly what it means.

But it means. Change is coming. I had that today. Standing looking out to sea, over the waves, the surf dancing on the wind, a feeling. You could say that you make a change, you force something to happen because that feeling is you wanting something to. But is it? Do we want it….

Or do we let it. Do we just have a heightened sense of perspective, that feeling and we accept it as it comes. A change is about to happen in my life. I know not what or when, only that it’s coming. That sense of rain. Rain suggests something awful. But rain can replenish, and save as well as dampen and depress.

A change is coming. And I embrace it whole heartedly.